Pride-in-Between's Blog

My heart's racing; mouth is dry; I've broken out into a cold sweat. I'm afraid for my very life. No, I'm not being held at gunpoint. It's worse much worse. I just pulled into the parking lot for my Family Reunion Picnic! It's been over 10 years since I've attended one of these dreaded events. You see, no one knows I'm gay. Well, everyone knows, but no one talks about it. This isn't any family reunion; it's a black family reunion. Our motto is "If we don't talk about it, then it doesn't exist". So, here I am; Mr. Gay. I'm out to all my friends and co-workers. I produce a gay radio talk show, for God sakes! Yet the mere site of my family reduces me into an insecure 12yr old mouse. My mind becomes a battlefield of fear and anticipation: "Will someone ask me who am I dating?" "Will my Great Aunt inquire when I'm getting married"? "What will I say? What will I do"? I've rehearsed a thousand scenarios before taking the key out of the ignition. I step out of the car and slowly approach the scene like a deer in a lion's nest. I look fabulous, wearing a blue button-down short sleeve shirt with khaki shorts. To my horror, everyone else is wearing a fire red t-shirt with our family reunion logo! I didn't get the memo. So here I am, the lone-star blue queen, standing in a sea of red demons! I could've slit my wrist with my own finger-nail! "If I could only get my hands on a Sour Apple Martini or two or six", I quietly say to myself. Did I mention that no one in my family drinks alcohol? That's right boys and girls: Soda and water were my only options. Help! It was good to see everyone, though. I greeted cousin "What's His Name" and aunt "Who Are You" with a smile and captivating conversation. I'm an actor, you know. But the entire time, I was bracing myself for the inevitable uncomfortable confrontation about my sexuality. Several hours passed and nothing happened. No one asked and no one told. By the end of the night, I had aged at least 30 years. I was mentally and emotionally exhausted for no reason. Does this sound familiar? Why does this happen? How does our fortress of faith, affirmation and self-empowerment crumple at the mere site of our loving family? I promise you this. The next family reunion, things are going to be different. I'm going to be different. I'm going to do things right. I'm going to show up drunker than hell and have a good 'ole time!! Thanks!