It was the most peculiar sensation when I first laid eyes on him.
I can honestly say I had never quite felt the odd light-headed, knees buckling, can't utter a sound experience that I did when I first saw him.
He had seen my unusual photos on my website, and contacted me concerning them. I was wary at first about talking to him, responding, seeing as how his photos of himself were... odd to say the least. But he was smarmy, witty, aloof, intelligent, and seemed to be holding something back. It was that mystery that drew me in. So, we decided to meet somewhere for dinner.
I was so very very unsure about all this. So, I did what any reasonable thinking Mexican would do, when all of her family was out of town, and her usual sounding board would not believe that what was being contemplated was, indeed, being contemplated.
I told him I would meet him for dinner at a Mexican Restaurant.
And it was not just ANY Mexican Restaurant. It belonged to my dad's cousin, which in Spanish, is considered an aunt. I was nervous when I got there, because I was like, he's not showing, and not many people show much interest in me. He's gonna bail. He's gonna see me and say "Oh %#&@$!, what a hag" and leave. He's married. I'm a rebound. And on, and on and on. So, needless to say, I left my house.
He told me to look for the red Chevy Avalanche. I told him to look for the rattletrap Kia that was some odd shade of red, or something, and it was not even my car. My car was being used by a family member on a long trip, so I kept the unsafe car for the short rides. So I parked next to the only Red Avalanche in the parking lot, and while I was turned to reach for my purse, I heard the voice, the unmistakable drawl of a Texan, saying "You must be Ms. Pris I've been talking to." So I took a deep breath, rolled my eyes inwardly, mustered a smile, and turned. I was gonna say "Yeah, I guess I must be" followed by a sarcastic comment, except I somehow lost control of my vocal chords when my eyes locked onto his care-worn, sapphire/emerald green eyes. It was like I was watching a vision floating within my scope of sight; golden blonde hair, affable toothy smile, and the timbre of that voice, that tenor sound that sounded like instruments. All I could muster was a feeble nod, and weak, "uh-huh".
He opened my door, and gave me a hug. He took my hand, and we strolled inside. All the time I was thinking "Oh %#&@$!, oh %#&@$!, oh %#&@$!!! He must have a cataract or something, I have NEVER had such an attractive man be interested in me. This has got to be a joke, a prank, something."
I don't remember much of dinner that night. I know I could not eat. How could I?? My body had shut down, and I was just enjoying this creature that was sitting across from me. We went back to his place to watch a movie. I had warmed up a bit, so we chatted each other up. Yes, there was some kissing, I'm not going to lie. But, there was no sex. Awwww, for those who thought I was going to go there. Nope, no sex. Just kissing.
It was a rocky going from that point on. He was forgetful, always mucking up dates, not returning phone calls, or emails. I was not as easy to forgive those oversights which I so plainly told him did, in fact, matter to me. 5 weeks straight, he bailed on dates, because of family, plans, trips, football games. Twice I dropped him like a football kicked to the curb, and each time he came back, begging for please, one more chance, he was a fool, he needed time. The third time, I said no. NO more. I did not answer his calls, or emails.
He tried to turn it all on me, that I expected too much from him, that I thought too much, when all I really wanted was a reply as to when we could go out. I let him know ONE MONTH in advance when my ex was going to have our child, and I would have been free to go out. But I got no reply from him.
I do miss him.
I can't seem to eradicate his number from my mind. I'm so tempted to call him and ask him why he did what he did. Why he thought that it was normal behavior. But I don't. I just remember his insensitivity, and his neglect. But damn I miss him. I don't know if it was infatuation or love I felt for him, because I took care of him the way I do people I love.
I just, I want him to disappear from my mind the way dust blows in a wind.
