raydeeo_face's Blog

Well, it is the annual Pepto-Bismol themed parade at every store I have gone to.

In other places of the world it's called Valentine's day, in honor of St. Valentine, the man who wed people, when it was unlawful to do so unless it was done in a specific way, specific time, specifice place, specifically.

And how on earth we got all these icky pink and white and icky, yucky, blecchy, themes from that I don't know.

It's interesting, though, what people constitute to be romantic for Valentine's day, my ex included.

1. Buy a box of over-priced chocolates from a store shelf that have been there since around December/Christmas. Yeah, baby, nothing says love like chocolate that has been collecting dust on a store shelf for over a month.

2. Buy a dozen or 2 of roses, which are also over-priced at this time of the year. And, if you really love your loved one, castrate the thorns off of the roses, so they don't injure the frail hand of your maiden fair.

3. Buy a stuffed animal, one of hundreds, off of a store shelf. Make sure it is battery-operated, and annoying as hell, so the first 300 times you play it, she'll say awww, how cute, and then it'll wind up at the back of her closet with her forgotten shoes, bras, socks, slips, previous holiday mementos.

4. Buy a piece of jewelry. Walk into a fancy, schmancy jewelry store, clueless as a baby horse, and be talked into buying the most expensive piece of jewelry they have possible. Of course it will be the wrong size, cut, style, piece. But just tell her what it cost, and baby, she'll get hot for you.

5. Go out to dinner at an overcrowded, understaffed, above-whisper conversation restaurant setting. Nothing says love, and can guarantee to make a woman randy like waiting an hour to be seated, be told they are out of this this and this, not to mention knocking back countless alcoholic drinks as you wait for your appetizers to get there, cold, and even more to get your entree, possibly cold, or over cooked, and not even what you ordered, but you're too soused to realize that it's the wrong thing, and, to top it all off, you have to yell at each other to be heard above the dull roar of the other inebriates, and 1/2 of the conversation is lost in translation. Work in few drunken mindless statements of flattery, and impress with paying for the meal with a charge card, and working in a hefty tip, one you probably won't realize you made in your euphoric mood until you get your next statement in the mail. Ouchies.

All in all, I guess I am bitter with this day, though even when I was married I did not see the whole to do about it. I thought it was a waste of time, effort, money. I would rather wait for something more important, like April Fool's day. What a way to celebrate being me, and crazy. Wa-hoo!!

This is a blog I posted last year on a different website. I thought I'd dust it off, and recycle it a bit.

It's winter. It's almost December. It's almost that time of the year when gift-giving and over commercialization of Christmas is upon us.

The inundation of what love means, how to show your love, when to do it, blah blah blah, gifts, shows and proves to me that I am in a minority of what I think a gift I want is.

I know I personally do not want jewelry. I don't want electronic gadgets or doodads. I don't want roses, or chocolate, or fancy schmancy dinners. I don't want silly stuffed animals attached either.

I think that a gift should be something that will truly be appreciated, and be out of the norm of what is expected, but is somethiing that is practical, useful, and shows that yes, I do care about you, yes I do think about you. Yes, you matter.

One of my main things is that I really don't want a Christmas gift. I would prefer a birthday gift, because my birthday is close to Christmas, and it would be selfish on my part to expect something on both days. I threaten people within an inch of their sanity that if they were to get me both, I would razz them for days.

What would I consider as a practical gift? Meaningful? I guess I'll just pull from stuff that I have given and received.

Okay, so, now you are under pressure. Christmas is coming 'round the bend, and you have no idea what to get the people you know, like, or are just obligated to pretend you enjoy giving tokens to.

Relax, chill out, I'm going to think outside the box a bit, and give you present ideas, or just, thoughts. So, here we go.

1. Find out the oddest thing they collect, and put thought into getting a unique thing like it. For me, I like cherished teddies, I have always liked teddy bears in general, especially ceramic teddy bears. Some people collect bells, cookie jars, ceramic animals, coins. Just, inquire, and add to that collection.

2. A book never hurts. But, to make it really that much more special, find out what their favorite book was as a youth, and try and find it. The nostalgia that it will bring, and the thought that you found that for them will make it that much more priceless.

3. Movies don't hurt either. Again, to make it that much more special, find out that is one movie they really love, but have not seen in forever, and track it down for them.

4. If they are a busy person, and you know they can't take care of their cars, borrow their car one day, preferrably your day off, and take it to get it detailed at the Car Wash. Or, take it to have a tune-up. Or do both. Not only is it thoughtful, but, you are also putting their safety aboveboard all else.

5. Music. Find out what is that one song they like, but don't have, and get it. Or, if there is something in particular you like, get something similar for that person, and tell them, hey, I know I like this, I hope you enjoy it too. You are not only giving them a gift, but a peek into your soul, and what a beautiful soul it is.

6.Take a day trip, or spend the day together and do something you have been meaning to, but haven't. Buy a cheesy souvenir. You have just given the gift of your time and attention.

7.Pictures are always nice. Get a picture of you in a casual setting, done professionally though, looking your best, whether it be reading a book, laughing, working, or contemplating. This one is especially good for moms and girlfriends, you know we gals are sentimental sweethearts.

8.Gift cards are for those you know what you want to get them, but you know they won't like it, or you're not sure what kind they would get. Some say they are too impersonal, but I think that it is a great way to say, hey, I value you enough as a person that I don't want to get you a dinky, dumb-%#&@$! gift. It helps if it is for a specific specialty/novelty store, not Wal-Mart, Target, H.E.B type stuff, though. That deserves a swift kick to the seat of your pants.

9.You may think I'm a dork for saying this, but, I'll say it anyway. Find a toy, yes a toy, that suits their personality. But, not just any toy. It has to have specific meaning. Just recently, I have given toys to 3 people, and the thought, and specific intent behind them brought on an "oh my gosh" moment. So get that little pony, that star wars toy, that transformer, or fraggle.

- Band Of Horses Lyrics

It was the most peculiar sensation when I first laid eyes on him.

I can honestly say I had never quite felt the odd light-headed, knees buckling, can't utter a sound experience that I did when I first saw him.

He had seen my unusual photos on my website, and contacted me concerning them. I was wary at first about talking to him, responding, seeing as how his photos of himself were... odd to say the least. But he was smarmy, witty, aloof, intelligent, and seemed to be holding something back. It was that mystery that drew me in. So, we decided to meet somewhere for dinner.

I was so very very unsure about all this. So, I did what any reasonable thinking Mexican would do, when all of her family was out of town, and her usual sounding board would not believe that what was being contemplated was, indeed, being contemplated.

I told him I would meet him for dinner at a Mexican Restaurant.

And it was not just ANY Mexican Restaurant. It belonged to my dad's cousin, which in Spanish, is considered an aunt. I was nervous when I got there, because I was like, he's not showing, and not many people show much interest in me. He's gonna bail. He's gonna see me and say "Oh %#&@$!, what a hag" and leave. He's married. I'm a rebound. And on, and on and on. So, needless to say, I left my house.

He told me to look for the red Chevy Avalanche. I told him to look for the rattletrap Kia that was some odd shade of red, or something, and it was not even my car. My car was being used by a family member on a long trip, so I kept the unsafe car for the short rides. So I parked next to the only Red Avalanche in the parking lot, and while I was turned to reach for my purse, I heard the voice, the unmistakable drawl of a Texan, saying "You must be Ms. Pris I've been talking to." So I took a deep breath, rolled my eyes inwardly, mustered a smile, and turned. I was gonna say "Yeah, I guess I must be" followed by a sarcastic comment, except I somehow lost control of my vocal chords when my eyes locked onto his care-worn, sapphire/emerald green eyes. It was like I was watching a vision floating within my scope of sight; golden blonde hair, affable toothy smile, and the timbre of that voice, that tenor sound that sounded like instruments. All I could muster was a feeble nod, and weak, "uh-huh".

He opened my door, and gave me a hug. He took my hand, and we strolled inside. All the time I was thinking "Oh %#&@$!, oh %#&@$!, oh %#&@$!!! He must have a cataract or something, I have NEVER had such an attractive man be interested in me. This has got to be a joke, a prank, something."

I don't remember much of dinner that night. I know I could not eat. How could I?? My body had shut down, and I was just enjoying this creature that was sitting across from me. We went back to his place to watch a movie. I had warmed up a bit, so we chatted each other up. Yes, there was some kissing, I'm not going to lie. But, there was no sex. Awwww, for those who thought I was going to go there. Nope, no sex. Just kissing.

It was a rocky going from that point on. He was forgetful, always mucking up dates, not returning phone calls, or emails. I was not as easy to forgive those oversights which I so plainly told him did, in fact, matter to me. 5 weeks straight, he bailed on dates, because of family, plans, trips, football games. Twice I dropped him like a football kicked to the curb, and each time he came back, begging for please, one more chance, he was a fool, he needed time. The third time, I said no. NO more. I did not answer his calls, or emails.

He tried to turn it all on me, that I expected too much from him, that I thought too much, when all I really wanted was a reply as to when we could go out. I let him know ONE MONTH in advance when my ex was going to have our child, and I would have been free to go out. But I got no reply from him.

I do miss him.

I can't seem to eradicate his number from my mind. I'm so tempted to call him and ask him why he did what he did. Why he thought that it was normal behavior. But I don't. I just remember his insensitivity, and his neglect. But damn I miss him. I don't know if it was infatuation or love I felt for him, because I took care of him the way I do people I love.

I just, I want him to disappear from my mind the way dust blows in a wind.