Heather's Blog

I just realized that Mondays last about 11 hours for me, with hardly a break. Isn't that ridiculous? Anyway, while I was at work yesterday, I started listening to all this great music. Lately, I've been listening to a lot of pop stuff (since everyone thinks I'm encino man and I want to be hip with it...), and I've neglected more emotionally provocative music. That's not to say that I don't think pop is good (er, depending...), I've just been out of touch with musical depth. So yesterday I listened to all my favorite pieces, pieces that I'm kind of working on, pieces that I've been in love with for years. And I seriously felt like I was in love with music. Oh I'm such a twad!

Anyway, last night, when I got home all ragged and tired, I immediately took out my violin. I didn't even eat dinner. I just opened it up and had the most unfocused, satisfying love affair with it until I deemed it too late to play in my house. I played everything I have been trying to play for years (er...excerpts of them...) I started with the Sibelius Violin Concerto the big piece that I just need to freaking practice. I fell in love with this piece when I was in high school and have wanted to play it ever since. It started out as this huge piece that I'd never get good enough to play. Then it turned into something I could play all raucously--And now it's something that I think I can handle and play well if I actually just stopped being such an idiot and freakin worked on it. But I've noticed that the longer I stay away from a piece after having practiced it, the better I get at it. Yesterday I played the first page (if you know the piece, up until the first little cadenza--blah--), and I played it pretty darned well for the way I play! I think I just needed to fall in love with it again. I hadn't heard it in a really long time, and yesterday I just HAD to play it......

I played a whole bunch of stuff....And then at around 9:30-9:45, I turned off the lights, opened a beer, and started listening to all this great music. Actually--I didn't listen to a lot, but what I listened to made me just want to play and play. I listened to the last movement of Messaein, Quartet for the End of Time (you know! the violin one!) and I called my friend JJ and begged him to play it with me in a message. I think I might have been a little drunky at that point......

Then I listened to an old recording of my friend Adele and I playing the 3rd movement of the Ravel Piano Trio. We played it at our graduation concert, pulled it together in a couple of days. We had actually gotten into a huge fight right before we played it, and performing it was our make-up session. I'm proud of the recording, and it made me really emotional. I mean I LOVE adele like blood, and I love playing with her. And I miss the days when it was so easy to go into a practice room, with music from the library, and play. I really want to play with her more. So I called her and told her in a message how much I loved her and how much I wanted to play with her. And of course I was drunky at this point:)

Then I started thinking about all the music I've been playing lately, and I got all excited about all the different projects, and so confused about my musical identity. I mean, what the hell am I doing! I don't have a teacher, I probably won't be able to go to grad school, at least not for a while......I'm playing in two really great bands, that are completely different--No three now! I get to play some kicking gipsy music with my newest band! Plus I've got this new music thing that I'm writing a cheezy piece for--But I want to play all these wonderful pieces, like the Sibelius, the Ciaconne, the Prokofiev Sonata, Fratres, blah blah blah....I want to perform them! And I'm all confused in the best way possible! I don't want to be a jack of all trades, you know, master at none. But I can't limit myself to becoming a goddam "classical musician." And I don't want to be one of those hip cool violinists with pick ups and red bow hair. You know what I mean????? I just want to play! I've been kinda all heartbroken for awhile now, and last night, I just didn't care about all that bullpoopoo, you know???? Like the only thing in the world that mattered was Fratres--or Tabula Rasa--or you know...Messaein. So I woke myself up all early this morning and I practiced. Only for a bit cuz I had to go to work. But I came up with fingerings for the third movement of the Prokofiev Sonata, and after teaching a lesson this afternoon, I get to go play gipsy music. And tomorrow morning I'll practice the whole morning (and maybe clean out the molding old coffee in my coffee pot!) And who knows what's going to happen! It's just scary to care about something so much, because I think, man am I really good enough to be this passionate about it????????? But whatever. I don't care. I just want to play!

And if this whole thing wasn't enough, I'm including videos!

So I'm freaking out because my eye keeps twitching. Do you think its mutating??????????????????????????????

My thumb hurts too! I think I hurt it fiddling! I can't fiddle!!!!

And my hair looks like Ronald McDonald today!!!!!!! At least the Maine Coon let me sleep last night...

Wow this is McDonald's first commercial. No wonder people are afraid of clowns!!!!!!!!!!!

It's freakin hot. I mean I'm used to the heat, growing up in the desert and all. But I'm also used to air conditioning and not having to be out in it. I'm not used to the dull dead sweaty gross air. And I feel bad for my cat. I need to shave her immediately!! She must be so hot!!!! And she's got awful dreads!

I need a haircut.

Yesterday it was so hot I practiced in my underwear. Isn't that weird? I've never done that! But the slightest bit of cloth on my body made me sweat uncontrollably. And now that I live alone I can do things like that!!! So if anyone comes to a concert, I won't be picturing you in your underwear, you'll be picturing me in mine.

Wow, May is over! I didn't really think it was going to end. The long list of crazy performances is now over, and I am sick. At the beginning of the month I thought, wow, I'm so busy this month I'm probably going to get sick. And I did. I got sick. So now I have time to actually practice, and practice I shall. My friend heard this thing on the radio, about people who had auditioned for the Berlin Philharmonic (this was right after the fire...). Anyway, this one guy who got in said he crazy practiced for a year, and every day, right after he woke up, he'd play his concerto without warming up or anything, because that's what it feels like when you audition or perform. So I've decided that now, I'm going to play the Bach Ciaconna every day right before I have to go to work, without warming up. I did it for the first time this morning, and man....I sounded horrible. I think my cat was trying to get me to stop, she was all meowing loudly. I think it's going to be really good for me, though. It's an excellent way to see what kind of things you've actually retained during your practice. And tonight when I practice, I'll know exactly what to work on....Like the incessant chord part, because that was not happening this morning... I'm going to keep myself busy so I don't get lonely, because if I hadn't been busy this month, I might have been a little bit sad of heart. But now it's going to be impossible to be lonely because Meowy lives with me again!!! Now it's all about keeping my apartment clean and litter free.

It would make me happy to see your bright shining face at one of these shows.

Marathon 2008 is Ensemble Studio Theatre's annual festival of one-act plays.

Series A

An Upset by David Auburn
Directed by Harris Yulin

Christmas Present by Amy Herzog
Directed by RJ Tolan

A Little Soul-Searching by Willie Reale
music by Patrick Barnes
Directed by Evan Cabnet

Tostitos by Michael John Garc s
Directed by May Adrales

Wedding Pictures by Quincy Long
Directed by Kathleen Dimmick

Calendar of show times:

Location:
Ensemble Studio Theatre
549 W. 52nd St.
New York, NY 10019
Tickets: 212-352-3101
866-811-4111(toll free)

 

Ah I like this little song! It reminds me of college. I am feeling pretty happy lately, even though I really don't feel like teaching a lesson this afternoon. Little kids should only have like 20 minute lessons. This kid has one for 45 and there's nothing I can do. Poor guy hates it, and then it turns into me hating it, and then we just hate each other. I hate feeling like an old geezer woman who hits her pupils' hands with a ruler. Whack! Play it again!!!!!! NO MISTAKES, WHACK!!!!!!

I have sold my soul to May. Aside from having a concert this weekend, I get to be in a play. Yes a play! I am the violinist! But there are 16 performances, plus I have another BEA concert on May 24 AND a gig with my band the Big Fatt, AND possibly another gig with my pal Tavo. So what does this mean? You best be coming to one of these performances so you can see what I look like all ragged and tired.

This is the information about the concert this weekend. Please come, New Yorkers. It sounds expensive but this INCLUDES dinner! So it's actually a cheap date! Dinner and a concert!!

I'm downtrodden today! Maybe it's because Sunday is so depressing, and Monday is equally as depressing, or maybe because I'm sick of paying the price for happiness. You know what I mean? Like I love coffee. But I can't drink it without the unfortunate side effects. Alcohol ruins your liver. Girls are complicated. Rain gets you wet and spring makes you stuffy. You know what I mean????? So today on the train I made a list of things that make me happy no matter what, unconditionally without having to pay any price.

1. Dick Van Dyke, Mary Tyler Moore, and Valerie Harper.

2. Disco

3. Dogs (they're so great, you can even forgive them for infesting your apartment with fleas.)

4. The third movement of the Sibelius Violin Concerto, the artificial harmonics part. (This one is iffy because it's dorky AND sometimes I get sad that I can't play it....but it still always makes me happy.)

5. Watching my friend do her broadway musical version of Don'tcha Wish Your Girlfriend Was Hot Like Me.

That's all I could come up with, probably because I'm downtrodden, and I'm putting a negative spin to everything. But now I'm curious what your list would look like. Maybe it'll cheer me up!

I can't stop showing this video to people. It's just such a nice video. It makes me nostalgic for the future...

I'm not going to get caught up in a bunch of crap that's going to keep me from learning how to communicate like this.

Since I'm having trouble with English today, I'm just going to post the song that best reflects my mood at the current moment.