Biobabe121's Blog

So, it's been one year with the love of my life. And I couldn't even be next to her. I'm stuck up here in my 9-5 life...filling my days with paperwork and my nights with a master's program and all I can think about is how much fun and fulfilling it would be to go grocery shopping with Rose and fight over placemats and the color of our dishes. I feel like I'm always waiting for something. Before, I was waiting to graduate and start a life. Now I'm waiting for Rose to graduate so she can get her butt up here. I am a go-getter, but only when I can see what I'm trying to get. At the moment, I know I want a life with Rose by my side. I'm just not sure how to achieve that yet.

One year. OH MY GOODNESS! If you had asked me just four years ago if I would have a long term relationship, I would have said no. I always thought I wasn't in touch enough with my emotions to be of any use in a relationship. I was completely content with being the cat lady and living out my life being a lonely activist for the cause. But now, I can't imagine not being with Rose. Go figure. I used to laugh at people like me. But I didn't understand how deep emotions really go. This world is a crazy place and all I can do is hang on.

Hearts, Sarah

So, i'm on the upswing again

Everything is going amazing. Allies is suddenly a part of the community. We had a showing of the Ryan Skipper documentary and the lakeland ledger and the Orlando Gazette were there. The Lakeland ledger gave us this luke warm-i-had-to-cover-this-story-cuz-my-boss-told-me-to article, but hey, at least they covered it!

We're getting in at the floor level with the Lakeland Youth Alliance, we have a meeting this weekend to work out the details and talk about training people and important points etc. I'm totally stoked.

PFLAG is great, Lynn Mulder, Ryan's step-father, is an amazing person. He was honored by Equality Florida the night before the 1 year anniversary of his son's death (which was March 14)

Other than that I'm scared to graduate cuz now i have to go into the big bad world and get a job and actually start my life. Rose and I are still amazing and had our 6 month anniversary yesterday. There are some stressors though.

We aren't the screaming type, we are the crying type and it seems like every night we are crying over something, the problem is we are crying because I'm frustrated with her. We talk it through and i hope things are going to get better. It's not our relationship that bothers me or annoys me or whatever, its the fact that I feel like she won't take care of herself if there isn't someone there to say 'do this' 'do that'.

I'm moving back to RI in two months, less than that, so i'll be in another LDR. We are so highly emotional all the time, and very physical in our communication, that i'm worried things are going to change too much when I go back.

At this point everything is in transition, it is the Spring Solstace tomorrow and that always brings new beginnings with it. I hope that they will all be good.

Hearts

Sarah

Things have been kind of attacking me all last week. And I've realized a couple things.

I completely don't deserve Rose. She is the most wonderful thing to ever happen to me and I can't even describe the happiness that I feel when I think about her.

And it scares the shit out of me.

I mean, I'm doing things, feeling things that I though I'd never feel. Is it even right that I say stuff like this when we haven't even been together for two months? I was always the "i told you so" girl, relationship guru that gave it to you straight and unemotionally. But now I feel like I put my arms out and I'm spinning as fast as I can, like I just jumped off a cliff and people are looking down wondering if I'll grab the rope they threw me.

Is this was love feels like?

Am I impulsive as all hell to think of a future with her? A full future, complete with cats, dogs, neighborhood friends and vacations.

I think I'll scream if it isn't love.

OMG Its all over. I can't even fathom it.

So it went well, considering. we got 40 people to take their pictures in the closet, which is actually a lot considering how many events are on campus. THe Gender-Bender didn't do so well, there was only four people that weren't core members, but that's ok, cuz we turned it into a rave party and we had a blast. I think I should book the biggest hall in school every once in a while for a private exect party lol.

Anyhoo, the only things left are World Aids Day, which, thankfully I'm not in charge of, I just have to show up! The other thing is we are doing concessions for some One Acts on campus. Concessions are usually a big money maker so hopefully Allies can bank some money

Other than that, Rose and I are doing awesome, school work sucks and I'm gonna die and that's about it.

Hope everyone else is having a great day!

Hearts, Sarah

Holy crap i'm going insane cause this Allies thing is a total roller coaster ride. Yesterday I hit a low where I was like " nothing is getting done, this is so going to flop nothing is going to work" Apparently, someone upstairs didn't like that because I went to PFLAG and suddenly had the courage to ask for help. Wow...that's all I can say.

I had a member bring an entire carload of people and then I got insider information about this school that Allies is suppose to speak at (I don't really want to write out names) and then the people at the meeting gave me some great advice and someone has offered to built us our closet and OMG this might actually work. I can barely contain my excitement, but I feel like I have to because I really don't want to jinx it...that would be horrible...let's not think about it.

On another note...I'm not single anymore! Her name is Rose and apparently we go together really well, according to everyone who has seen us. Her brother nearly cried with happiness when he found out we were together. Again, I'm jumping out of my shoes (a pair of gorgeous high heels!) but I'm so afraid that I'll screw it up or hell, that she'll screw it up, that we will both screw up. So I'm trying to let it just so where it may. I'm really scared because eventually it will be a long distance relationship and I've had two of those that have ended disasterously and I really couldn't stand to hurt her. So I suppose that leaves me with taking one day at a time...which is always good advice because you can't live more than one day at a time.

But in the meantime, ::goes off into a dreamlike state:: She's beautiful and talented and intelligent and has the greatest compact little body that I've ever seen. ::grins::

Hearts,

Sarah

Yay! It's friday! I just had three tests in 24 hours...BioChem, Marine Bio, and Plant Physiology...oy sometimes I wonder what planet I'm living on. W/e, I think they all went pretty well, considering I spent last night watching Blazing Saddles and this french animated movie about a bicyclist and his grandma. I'm going out tonight! So random, I never 'go out'.